If you are looking to grow your career, have this conversation in your next 1-1 with your manager.

How to take control of your career, starting this end-of-year performance review.

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How many times have you walked into an annual performance review, hoping… no, expecting a promotion or raise… because you’ve crushed your work and surely your manager will recognize it. Right? And how many times have you walked out with only disappointment? Unfortunately, it happens all the time. You are not alone. And then resentment, anger, and quiet quitting follows. You may even switch jobs, hoping to be *seen* somewhere else. But history is bound to repeat itself, unless you take control of your career. 

This post is about how you should do it.

Your Career, Your Responsibility

Here’s something I wished I’d learned a lot earlier: Growing your career is your responsibility—not your manager’s. If you’re sitting quietly, hoping they’ll magically notice your aspirations and reward you accordingly, you’re putting your chips on the wrong hand.

The reality is that your manager isn’t incentivized to proactively grow your career. If you just keep hitting goals and exceeding expectations, and not saying anything about your aspirations… most managers assume you’re happy where you are and won’t take any action. They need someone to do the work and you are perfect at it! Why change anything?

I experienced it firsthand the first time I planned to rage-quit because I didn’t get the expected promotion from IC to Manager. I sat quietly through my performance review, stewing inside. My manager had nothing but positive feedback, yet there was no promotion in sight. WTF.

Frustrated, I began responding to recruiters and got myself a manager-level offer. "There," I thought, "that’ll show them." To my surprise, my attempt to quit was met with, "What on earth are you doing?" Not the response I anticipated.

My manager asked me to take a walk around the office. During the walk, he asked why I had never shared my aspirations to become a manager. I was taken aback—why would I need to tell him? Shouldn’t he just know?

“No,” he explained, “not everyone wants to be a manager. But now that I know, I’ll fast-track you. Give me a few months—You’re ready.”

I felt stupid. Why hadn’t I told him? Why did I just expect him to know? He’s not a mind reader, after all.

That one conversation changed my entire outlook on how I would manage and grow my career. 

And it all starts by having conversations now—before performance reviews, compensation decisions, and team calibrations are locked in stone.

Level 1: Awareness - Align on Expectations Early

If you want to change the trajectory of your career, you need to get on the same page as your manager. That means—at the very least—clearly communicating what you want and are looking for.

Want a promotion? More responsibility? To stay the course? You have to tell them. Don’t assume your manager knows where you want to end up. They’re juggling multiple priorities and probably aren’t spending time trying to anticipate what you want.

Here’s your first move: Schedule time to discuss your career. Even just a simple request like, “Hey, can we carve out time next week to discuss how I’m doing and where I want to grow, professionally?” gives your manager time to prepare and shows you’re serious.

The goal of this meeting? To make them aware of your goals. If you are looking to climb corporate ladder, they should know. If you want to grow specific skills, tell them. If you are craving more responsibility, ask for it.

Pro Tip: Don’t surprise your manager with a sudden career conversation. Give them a heads-up: “Next week, can we talk about how I’m doing and where I’d like to grow?” This shows respect for their time and allows them to prepare thoughtful feedback.

Level 2: Clarity - Ask What “Great” Looks Like

So, how do you get guidance on what it takes to reach that next level?

I can tell you one way that WON’T work: Going to your boss with “I want a promotion—what do I need to do, to get promoted?”. Because they don’t know you that well, there’s a high chance they’ll give you a generic answer, like: “You need stronger communication skills. That is not actionable or helpful. You even might put in the work and practice the things you think will make a difference—only for them to later say, “Oh, but you also need better presentation skills.” 

Frustrating… but also easily avoidable.

Instead, be more proactive in this process. Ask them to describe the most important skills of people who are already at the level you aspire to.

To get more specifics, ask questions like:

• Can you give me examples of what strong communication looks like at the next level?

• Can you let me know the next time you see someone demonstrate it?

• Can you point out next time I could have done better with my communication? Or when I showed what you are looking for?

Once you have those examples, compare and contrast them with your current communication skills to identify gaps. Then, discuss those gaps with your manager and share the steps you’re already taking to improve, asking if there is anything they’d add to it.

Pro Tip: Recruit your manager to help you. Frame the conversation like this: “Will you help me get there?” This turns your manager into a coach and ally. Instead of the judge on the sidelines, they become someone invested in your success.

Level 3: Consistency - Check In Regularly

One conversation won’t cut it. Career growth requires ongoing alignment. If you wait until the end of the year to discuss your performance, it’s already too late. Decisions about promotions and raises happen well before the final review (Meaning: They are being discussed *right now* for January/February cycles).

Make career check-ins a regular part of your 1:1s on a quarterly or bi-annual basis. These aren’t moments for ultimatums or demands—they’re alignment exercises. Does your manager see your progress? Do they understand your goals?

If you sense any disconnect, course-correct early. Regular feedback loops ensure you’re never surprised by the outcome of a review.

What to do if your manager won’t engage?

There are a lot of shitty managers out there. The sad reality is… this:

Not every manager is great at career coaching. Some may lack the skills, interest, or maturity to have these discussions. If your manager refuses to engage with you when you reach out about these kinds of things, take it as a signal.

You have really one of two options:

1. Accept It: If you like the job or simply need it for now, adjust your expectations. It’s better to have clarity than to face constant disappointment from unrealistic expectations.

2. Find Another Manager: Look for opportunities elsewhere in the company or even at a different company.

Having these conversations—even if they don’t go well—gives you valuable data about your career trajectory.

Get Started… Today.

Performance reviews are not the time to drop surprises. They’re the culmination of ongoing dialogue. The good news? Right now is the right time to get started.

Here’s what to do today:

• Schedule a conversation with your manager over the next 2 weeks.

• Share your goals and aspirations.

• Ask about what “great” looks like at the next level.

• Do self-evaluation about your delta to that ‘great.’

• Talk to your manager about what your delta is and how you will work on it.

• Commit to regular check-ins.

Don’t leave your career to chance. Managing your growth isn’t just about doing good work—it’s about making sure the right people know what you want and how they can help you get there.

P.S. And don’t do it alone! Find your circle of support - Sidebar can help.

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Edited with the help of Jonathan Yagel.

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