The dark side of the leadership.

That nobody talks about.

I was eager to climb the corporate ladder. Leadership roles looked highly appealing - the power, the money, the respect! VP title seemed to have it all, and I was determined to get it. FAST. I set an aggressive end goal: get to the VP level by the time I turn 30 years old.

And I did. I was promoted to VP of Growth by 29. And SVP by 30. Crushed it, right?

But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

I was getting lost in the dark side of leadership that is rarely spoken about.

It’s lonely.

Superficial hierarchy creates an invisible wall of fear and distance between you and your coworkers. Work relationships become artificial. I didn’t feel I could openly share with my coworkers, finding it hard to connect with people how I used to.

It’s overwhelming.

The weight of responsibility was crushing. I couldn’t sleep through the night. I dreamt of writing and rewriting Slack messages. I was living an unhealthy lifestyle: regularly skipping meals and not exercising. I was irritable and short. It was a vicious cycle with no end in sight.

It’s mundane.

I found myself creating and re-creating presentations day and night. Google slides and PPT became vain of my existence, sucking the life out of me. And don’t get me started on memos…

It’s repetitive.

One of the biggest objectives for any leader is to create clarity around strategy for the team. What this materializes is having to repeat yourself. Over and over and over and over again. I didn’t feel like I was utilizing my skills in the best way.

It’s all about people management.

Each person reporting to you requires at least 10% of your time (30% for junior folks that need mentorship). Hiring a new position takes up 40% of your time. If you have seven direct reports (considered normal), you are likely already at over 100% capacity. And this is without hiring, performance management, doing operational work, creating those damn presentations, or having any deep thinking space. Forget any family time…

It’s filled with meetings.

Syncs, 1-1s, team meetings, leadership meetings, project updates, QBRs, planning, check-ins, updates - the list goes on. My calendar was filled to the brim with meetings from morning till night.

There was good stuff, too.

It wasn’t all bad. I loved having the power to help people. To help them find their calling. To get them to their goals. To help them succeed. It is the most fulfilling part of the job.

So what?

I finally realized that I set out the wrong end goal for myself. Leadership title should have never been the end goal - only a step toward the ultimate unlock: career optionality.

Career optionality may look different for people, but it materialized into becoming a solopreneur for me. As a solopreneur, my brain is my product, and I created a solo business around it with various monetization streams: advising, interim, public speaking, workshops, course creation, etc. VP titles validated my abilities and impact, aiding my journey toward solopreneurship. But only in solopreneurship did I find a happy place for my career: fulfilling, flexible, challenging, and impactful work.

So do set out the goal to get to the leadership titles, which are quite valuable. But not as an end destination. Work towards unlocking career optionality as an end goal, which will enable you to craft your career any way you’d like.

Is Solopreneurship right for you? Read this post!